Yesterday morning at about 5:15 am, Aric woke up crying. Actually, Aric woke US up with his crying. I think he’d been awake for a while based on the condition of his room. Tim went back and and laid him back down and he fell right asleep.

That’s when I felt a sting in my gut.

“Let’s let him sleep in this morning,” I said. “He could use the rest.”

About 5 minutes before it was time to leave, I went to wake him up. He was sleeping so hard that no amount of me gently rubbing his back, calling his name, and lighting his room was able to move him. It took the dog nudging his foot.

There it was again. The sting.

I quickly dressed him while he gently whined.

sting

I said “Let’s put on your coat and get ready to go to Jody’s!”

With sad eyes, he looked at me and said, “Noooooo Jody.”

sting

I opened up the door for him and said, “Run to Momma’s car!”

He pulled the door shut and said, “Nooooo Momma’s car!!”

sting sting

He cried while I carried him to the car. Cried while I buckled him in. “No Jody!! No Momma’s car!”

sting STAB sting

He calmed down after I gave him a cereal bar, then started dozing off. At drop-off, he stood in the entryway, dazed. This daycare provider told me he’d been acting so unlike himself the last couple days.

As I went to leave, his big, sad eyes looked at me and he said in the quietest, meekest voice, “Bye-bye Momma.”

STAB STAB STAB

I couldn’t ignore the feeling in my gut any longer. Something was wrong with him. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I just knew it. He wasn’t himself. I beat myself up over having brought him to daycare that day. I should have kept him home. The guilt was eating me alive, knowing that I shouldn’t have dropped him off. It consumed my every thought. But I had a meeting out of town.

Then it was cancelled.

I was on the phone minutes later making plans to pick him up at lunchtime.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t ignore my Momma Instincts.

You hear a lot of moms talk about “Momma Instincts” before you have your own baby, but you never know what that really means. These instincts start small when you’re learning the difference between a cry for food and a cry for attention. You learn that when your baby makes “that face” he’s about to fill his drawers.

As your baby grows, so do your Momma Instincts. You know your child’s typical behavior. You know what his cries sound like. You know when something very tiny and hardly noticeable is different. You know that when he’s refusing to eat Fritos, something is very wrong.

As it turns out, my Momma Instincts were right. I took him home and tried to give him lunch, which he didn’t want. All he wanted was to watch “Meemo” (Finding Nemo) and snuggle. And nap. And watch Meemo again. And nap again.

Momma Instincts aren’t learned behaviors. They’re always there. You just have to know when to recognize them and you have to follow those gut stings. Chances are, you’ll be right more often than not.

……

As an aside, I was totally right about him not feeling well…cause I’m sick now, too