Archive for the ‘things that suck’ Category

Not so hot.

May 16th, 12 / 5 Comments

That up there? The answer to “How are you feeling lately?” In fact, I’ll go so far as to say I’m feeling positively horrid.

(Just as a fair warning, this will be a whiny, cranky, cry-baby, woe-is-me post. Maybe skip it and come back tomorrow for the seven week update.)

So yeah, feeling awful. Physically AND emotionally. I am nauseous ALL. THE. TIME. Nothing helps. Eating doesn’t help. Unisom + Vit B6 takes the edge off. I just switched to gummy prenatal vites to see if that helps at all. But it’s all nausea all the time. No vomiting, though, so I guess that’s good. (eta: as of this morning, that’s no longer true. Ugh…) But there’s issues with the “other end” if you know what I mean.

I am CONSTANTLY tired. Knock down drag out tired. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have the ability to sleep in late, roll into work at whatever time, leave 8 hours later, take a nap, eat dinner, go to bed like I did when I was pregnant with Aric.

But to be totally and completely truthful with you all? I hate this. I hate feeling sick all the time. I hate feeling tired constantly. I want nothing more than to cry my eyes out, then sleep for three days straight. I actually did just that over the weekend. I went home from work early on Friday and spent all of Friday and most of Saturday and Sunday in bed. I was both tired and completely depressed. I just didn’t want to leave the bed. For any reason. I want nothing to do with my computer or my sewing machine. They have just been sitting, collecting dust. I’m FREAKING OUT about starting school again this weekend while feeling this way. How in the hell am I going to get through an entire Saturday of class when I can barely make it through work?

And I hate that I hate this. I hate that here I am, with a surprise baby in my tummy that I’m constantly complaining about and am COMPLETELY unprepared for, and there are THOUSANDS of women out there DYING to be in my shoes. Dying to be feeling like I do, knowing that they are carrying a baby in their tummies.

I hate that here I am complaining about the new life in my tummy while my next door neighbor is fighting for his. Like I’m taking this little life for granted.

Don’t get me wrong, this baby is NOT unwanted by any means. It has just totally caught me off guard. Me, who very specifically planned out the procreation of Aric. Me, who just this past month was VERY vocal about how long we were planning on waiting to have #2. Me, Mrs. I Have My Life Planned Out Very Specifically Thank You Very Much.

Then there’s the guilt I feel for ignoring Aric so I can shut the bedroom door and rest. The guilt I feel for making Tim do all the work around the house (minus the cleaning. No one cleans around here :) ) (also, as I’m writing this, I just yelled at Tim for buying the wrong kind of potato chips after he did the grocery shopping, which I normally do, so add that to the list of guilts). The guilt I feel for not being as completely head-over-heels excited like I was for Aric.

I’m sure this is just those damn pregnancy hormones taking over. I hope it is. I hope I’m not developing antenatal depression. I mean, I have a lot of the symptoms, I just haven’t had them for more than a week (it all started last Monday). This HAS to be the hormones + the unexpectedness of it all. It has to be.

Right?

Or am I really just a terrible person for having all these feelings right now?

Please, someone tell me it will get better. Please tell me I’m not alone, and you felt this way, too, while pregnant.

pregancy, things that suck

Being a Working Mom: Balancing it All

Mar 20th, 12 / 1 Comment

I went to a work conference last week and there was a great session on being a full time Mom while being in the workplace full time. While I was hoping to get more out of it (like, HOW to find that balance) it was still packed with awesome information.

Did you know the workplace follows a 1950s model in which there is an invisible care-taker at home? Or, better yet, as though you are a man with a wife who stays home. Think about it. If your child is sick and cannot go to daycare/school you have to use up your precious sick time (or, if you’re like me and don’t have separate sick time, your precious PRECIOUS PTO). But no worries, your stay-at-home wife will take care of your sick child.

Pregnant? Good luck with that bone-tired feeling you’ll get every day at 2pm. Oh, and come back to work as soon as your precious PTO has been used up. Leave the kid with that invisible at home care-taker. Oh, you want more time off?? Um …. ok. But you can’t get paid for it. Or if you REALLY want, you can use your short-term disability and get 50-60% of your regular wage for only 6 weeks. But if you don’t come back after 12 weeks, we’ll can your ass. Unless you work for a company with less than 50 employees. Then, well, too bad, so sad.

Did you know that America is actually one of three industrialized countries (Swaziland and Paupa New Guinea being the other two) who do not offer any kind of guarantee for paid leave for mothers? And there are more than 50 Western countries that offer paid leave for fathers as well? Not in America, though!

Did you know that while there are protections for pregnant women in the workplace (you cannot be discriminated against in a job interview for being pregnant) there are no protections for parents? Employers can refuse to hire you if you have children and they think that you will not be able to complete your job duties because you won’t be entirely focused on the job.

The American work-force has an anti-family/anti-child model. Leave all parenting concerns at the door. If you are here, you are working, you are not a parent. But how many of us can do that?

Beyond typical work-place issues, what about the balance of parenting duties? Sometimes, as mothers, we feel like we have more than our fair share of the burden. Even in cases in which our partners share in the parenting duties 50/50, we are still the ones who know the right Tylenol doses off the top of our heads. We are the ones who are constantly thinking “What should we have for dinner tonight? Do we have all the ingredients? Do I need to stop at the grocery store on the way home? Do we have diapers?” Not to say that our husbands would be completely lost without us, it’s just what we DO, as mothers. It’s hardwired into us!

What about all the unintended guilt we feel? Like when we take an hour or two of actual LEISURE time (away from the kids, work, AND home), how many of us spent at least part of that time thinking about what’s going on at home and what we should be doing instead of getting our hair done?

Say when we want to have a night out with our girlfriends, leaving the husband at home with the kids. And someone comments, “So is your husband on babysitting duty tonight?” Um, no. He’s being a parent. I don’t pay him to sit at home just like he doesn’t pay me to stay at home during his poker night. (Actually, he kind of does, especially on the nights he wins!) It’s that unintended assumption that mothers are the care takers and that dads are just along for the ride.

My point is, with everything around us, it’s almost impossible for us to balance our work and home lives without feeling some amount of guilt. The odds are completely stacked against us! It’s going to take a massive overhaul of the way our work-system is right now and some serious legislation passed for parent’s rights. And it’s going to take a change of opinion of the general public.

I got some great information for this post not only from the seminar, but from this Huffington Post article. And then I did what Tim tells me NEVER to do: I read the comments. They ranged from “Right on! America needs to change!” to “Hey! You chose to have a kid, you deal with the consequences. I’m not paying for you to sit on your ass all day and not work.” See what I mean by anti-child environment?

I’m saying all this to tell you fellow working moms out there: You’re doing an awesome job. You’re making it work the best you can. And your kids love you, no matter what :) So step back for a minute, take a deep breath, then just keep swimming! You’re not alone :)

things that suck, too much going on, work, working mom

No Matter How Cold the Winter

Feb 27th, 12 / 1 Comment

This winter has been getting to me. It seems like it’s dragging on and on and on. In my brain, we’re still in January, despite March being three days away.

The days don’t feel like they’re getting longer. I feel like I’ve forgotten what sunshine looks like. It’s dreary. Bland. Blech.

On Thursday, it all came down on me. I spent most of the night laying in bed, trying my best to ignore both of my boys. I just wanted to lay in the dark and be left alone.

I cried. Ugly tears. About ugly, nonsensical things. In my rational brain, I knew what I was upset about was completely ridiculous, but my emotional brain wouldn’t let it go.

I tried to focus on the fact that the weekend was almost here, but I didn’t even want the weekend to come. We had no plans whatsoever and I didn’t want to sit at home all day. The thought of being stuck in my house for two days with nothing to do was killing me. I just could NOT think of anything we could do. Or maybe I just didn’t want to.

Sunday came around, though. I had some Nicci Time. I went and got my hair cut and spent a lovely hour chatting with my stylist and joking about our little boys. I took a detour on the way home to do a bit of shopping. Two hours later I got back home loaded to the brim with new clothes and shoes. Nothing makes me happier than bright new clothes, especially awesome deals on bright new clothes and shoes! I mean, shoot, I got winter snow boots for less than $20!! NICE winter snow boots even! A word of warning: shopping immediately after getting your hair done causes every single item of clothing to look awesome on you.

I did a fashion show for Tim with all my new threads. All in bright, vibrant, springy colors. I figured, if nature isn’t going to give me color, I’ll do it my own dang self! I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with Aric and cooking a nice steak dinner for the family. At night, when I was settling in for some red carpet/Oscar viewing, instead of letting Daddy put him to bed, Aric grabbed me and literally pulled me off the couch so I could tuck him in and read him his bedtime stories.

And I went to bed with a smile on my face.

Today is a new day. The start of a new week. In three days will be a new month, my lucky month.

No matter how cold the winter, there’s a springtime ahead.
- Pearl Jam, “Thumbing my Way”

depression, things that suck, winter