Archive for the ‘funny things’ Category

I’m pretty sure this is why I DON’T take birth control pills

May 17th, 11 / 4 Comments

I hate commercials. With an undying passion. The only things they are good for are potty breaks, nacho making, and quick flipping to another channel to check out the Twins score. I mean, I get it, you want to pimp out your product, and the TV station needs money to pay their actors, but that doesn’t change the fact that I HATE THEM!

Some of my most hated commercials are the ones involving my lady-bits. Have a happy period? Really, Always? Unless you’d like to pay for my anti-depressant, I’m pretty sure I won’t be having a happy period. I’m not sure anyone ever has had a happy period (aside from that brief “Whew, I’m not pregnant!” moment at the very start).

I have always and forever hated birth control commercials. One of my very least favorite brands is Beyaz, or Yaz, or Yasmin as they once were called. A few months ago, Molly of The Snyder 5 wrote a post about the name “Beyaz” and how it sounded a bit too much like biotch. I mean, really. I want to take a medication that is essentially calling me a bitch? No thank you.

Well, the other night I actually watched this commercial (there must not have been anything exciting on Twitter at that moment). It’s a group of girls “shopping” through what I assume is The Store Of Life and picking out what they wanted. There were things like houses, trips to Paris, diplomas, those types of things. While the girls are shopping, a stork carrying a bundle stalks them (stork stalking … say that 5 times fast!). One of the girls gave the stork a kind smile, but put her hand up to say no. Then she grabbed a house off the shelf.

That’s right, ladies. If you have a child, you cannot have a house. If you have a child, you cannot go to Paris. You cannot have a diploma.

So here’s the message I got from the commercial: If you want a house, a trip to Paris, and a degree, take this pill! It will make all that magic happen! You might be a bitch, but at least you’ll be a home-owning, well-educated, world-traveling bitch!!

Not to mention that this pill? The one that sounds like “bitch?” Is made specifically to help with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, which is worse than PMS. You know, for the raging bitches.

Oh, and it has extra folic acid for when the pill fails and you get pregnant anyway. Nothing like a birth control pill that’s good for the baby you were trying to prevent in the first place!

It reminded me of the Yaz commercial from a year ago or so. The song playing in the background? “Goodbye to You.” Take this pill and everything you are will be gone! Goodbye to you!!

So kids, the takeaway message from these ads is this: if you are a bitch, take this pill and all your dreams will come true.

Unless your dream is to have a baby. In that case, you will only get the baby and you will be sad because you don’t have anything else.

(Unrelated: What if there really was a pill that could remove the bitch from a person? I don’t think I’d take it. I like that side of me :) )

(Also unrelated: Don’t forget to enter my giveaway!!)

funny things, late night wonderings, things that suck, venting, yukky things

Friday Funnys

Feb 4th, 11 / 4 Comments

Next weekend, Tim and I will join some friends of ours and take part in an annual trivia weekend. Each year, a public radio station in Minnesota puts on a trivia contest with 50 straight hours of some of the most random, obscure trivia questions ever. This is by far one of my favorite weekends of the year :) I’ll be sure to do a recap of the weekend after the fact, but that brings me to this post.

Before the trivia begins, each team is given a packet of images; the visual trivia. The leader of our group posted these images on our facebook page and set us loose to do some research on them. While using the Google Machine, I came across some incredible ads and I simply HAD to share the images with you!

Is this Ronald Reagan the actor or Ronald Reagan the president? Either way, I can't WAIT for my Christmas gift.

See? Babies WANT you to smoke! So the next time you see that creepy commercial with the dad smoking in the living room while the smoke turns into a creepy ghost hand and covers the baby's mouth, you can remember that it actually makes the baby happy. So no worries.

And while you're smoking, wash it down with a beer. Because the hops will help the baby grow big and strong!

Ladies, take your vitamins! How else will you have the energy to keep your house spic and span? Plus, the more you clean, the better looking you are! It's win win!

You can have gadgets to help you cook, but you darn well better not find something else to do the cooking for you. Otherwise, you're a crappy wife, and you don't want that, do you?

I'm sorry. I can't look at this and think of anything other than "You know, that tray table will actually get in the way of what the man CLEARLY is asking for."

Presented without comment, because OBVIOUSLY!

Don't EVER buy stale coffee. A man who is forced to drink stale coffee will have no choice but to spank you. Also, does it look like she's enjoying this? Maybe this is a sexy ad. Now I'm all kinds of confused.

Nope. No way. There's no way she can open that and not break a nail. FALSE ADVERTISING!

ZOMG! We need to bring the diet back. Eat all you want and STILL lose weight? Bleached tape worms never sounded so good!!

Douching with Lysol to save my marriage. I can't think of anything I'd rather do.

There is nothing sexier than a man blowing cigarette smoke in my face. I can't explain it, it just turns me on in ways that flowers never can.

And finally:

Because every child needs to protect their dollies from the monster in the closet.

(All images from here, except the Lysol and Tipalet ads, which are from here)

funny things