Archive for the ‘funny things’ Category

Setting the Mood

Feb 7th, 12 / 3 Comments

I’ve been MIA lately, but I swear it’s been for a good reason! As an apology, I’d like to share a humorously embarrassing story with you about the perils of leaving your cell phone turned on.

I had my annual lady appointment yesterday. Let me start off by saying I ADORE my doctor. She has a son about 4 months older than Aric (which SUCKED when she was on maternity leave while I was pregnant, leaving me with a crappy doctor). I was actually sad after I had Aric that I would no longer be seeing her every week!

We spent a good chunk of time getting caught up, chatting about the past year, about our sons, you know, the ushe. So, she starts doing the exam portion of the check-up. We’re still chatting when suddenly? The room was filled with the dulcet tones of smooth jazz coming from my cell phone.

Awkward.

Especially when my doctor commented “Well! This isn’t really what you want to have happen during a pap, is it?!” We laughed and I said, “Well, at least it wasn’t my husband calling!”

“Oh?” she asked. “And what’s his ringtone?”

………..

“Ron Burgundy singing ‘Afternoon Delight.’”

funny things, things that are awesome

Do you remember?

Jan 24th, 12 / 3 Comments

Last month, I was on break from school. That meant that my evenings were ALL MINE! I could put Aric to bed, then zone out in front of the TV, drink some wine, and engage in some lively Twitter chatter.

But one night I was bored. Aric was in bed. There was nothing on TV. No one was entertaining me on teh interwebz. It was at that moment that I looked Tim and said: “Did we seriously used to do this every single night?”

Honestly, I have almost no memory as to what we used to do to entertain ourselves pre-Aric. I know we went out with friends a lot, but not seven days a week. I know we watched a lot of TV, but there couldn’t have been THAT MUCH entertaining television then. We used to go out to eat a lot, but again, not every night.

WHAT THE HECK DID WE DO?!?!?!?!?!

Now-a-days I find myself CRAVING activities. When I wasn’t in class last month I used that time to start sewing again. Even now, with class back in session, I’m attending classes, doing homework, squeezing TV in when I can, and sewing as much as I can before I fall face first onto my pillow. And this is all done after 7:30pm.

I’m just going to take this moment to say a small prayer of thanks for having a child that is so routinized that he PUTS HIMSELF TO BED when we don’t get him there in time. Child #2, I fear you will take all this ease away from me.

ANYWAY. What was I saying? Ah, yes, “free time.” Our weekends are now dominated by trips to the park, the mall, Target, books, puzzles, blocks, movies, and a quick 10 minutes to run a vacuum over the nasty carpet. And I find myself wondering …. WHAT THE HECK DID I USED TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

It’s like my definition of “free time” went from meaning “Time to sit on my arse” to “Time to get something done for ME and not something for the child, husband, house, or professor.”

And honestly, I wouldn’t want to go back to those times. I love the activities I find myself involved in. I love that when I have a free minute, I spend it engaging in a hobby that I adore, or, you know, that “husband” man who also lives here.

But seriously, parents. WHAT DID WE USED TO DO?!?! Can ANY of you shed some light on this for me?!

free time, funny things, parenting

Toddler Lesson #12

Aug 23rd, 11 / 3 Comments

A quiet toddler is a dream come true.

Wait, no.

A quiet toddler is a NAUGHTY toddler!!

We all have heard the stories of children being too quiet, and sure enough they were coloring on the walls or dumping baby powder everywhere, or squeezing tubes of diaper cream into the carpet. Aric hasn’t done anything quite that naughty … yet.

But when he becomes quiet … too quiet … that means he’s disapeared.

I have lost Aric in my own house more times than I care to count. Our main floor, where we spend 95% of our time, has the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and three bedrooms. We usually keep our bedroom door and the bathroom door closed. One morning I ran out to the car to load up Aric’s diaper bag. I came back in and he was gone. Gone.

He wasn’t in his playroom, or his bedroom, or any closet, or under the couch or under the futon or downstairs or ANYWHERE! Our bedroom door and bathroom doors were shut. And he wasn’t speaking.

I called out his name, offered treats, offered to watch “Gabba.” Nothing. Finally I heard the telltale sign of my makeup bag crashing to the ground. He was in the bathroom (which, luckily, was unlocked, but since then he’s learned how to lock the door) trying to put on makeup.

The other day I lost him again. After searching for five minutes, he threw his playroom closet door open and said “A BOO!!!” (peek-a-boo). Naughty little shit was playing a game of hide and seek without telling me!! And now that closet is his favorite place to play. Here’s a ton of little toys in there which he plays with …. with the door shut … in the dark.

Which brings me to Toddler Lesson #2 – TODDLERS ARE WEIRD!!!


And yes, that was me saying “no” to Tim’s question of “should we go get him?” I am a terrible mother.

Aric, bad parenting, funny things, lessons, motherhood, silly little boy, Toddler Lessons, Toddlers are weird, videos, where did my baby boy go?, where's the instruction manual?