Abby has been with us for a week now, and has been living in our home for about 5 days. And honestly, I am so happy right now.
She’s fit into our semi-routine very well, other than her desire to be held pretty much all the time (although sometimes I can get away with a tight swaddle). She’s still sleeping A LOT too, so that helps. And last night, she only got up twice. TWICE!!! It was a beautiful, restful fluke.
Aric has adjusted pretty well, too. Although he does get jealous of the attention that Abby gets, so sometimes he’ll ask to play whatever game we’ve just played with Abby (we did Patty-Cake with Aric about 13 THOUSAND times last night) or when I’ve got Abby up on my shoulder burping her, Aric will ask to be burped too, so he’ll climb up on the other shoulder so I can pat his back, too. And then he’ll fake burp and laugh himself right OFF my shoulder! Silly kid
He is full of so much love for his sister it’s amazing. He loves kissing her, holding her hand, and sharing story time with her. He gets very concerned when he hears her crying and runs right to her, pets her head, and says “Ohhhh! Baby Abby! No sad, Baby Abby!”
My recovery has been awesome as well. I haven’t taken a single pain medication (beyond Advil for my WICKED awful neckache) since I got home, I have no pain in my abdomen any more, and I’ve already lost over half the baby weight. Although I know that the second half is much harder to lose
Monday night I had what I now consider to be a hilarious break down. It was our first night home, the first night without nurses to take Abby when all she wanted was to be held and all I wanted was to sleep. I crawled into bed at 9:30 after feeding Abby and hoped for a decent 2 hour stretch of sleep. About 15 minutes later I heard her crying and I lost it. I ran into her room where Tim was snuggling her back to sleep and I just started bawling.
I mean, seriously, we just had one kid before Friday. One little boy who slept through the night, could communicate his wants and needs with words, was on a very good schedule, and was rather predictable We’d gotten through all those hard first years and came out relatively unscathed. AND HERE WE WERE DOING IT AGAIN!!!! What the heck were we thinking! We may never sleep again! What if she’s one of those babies who gets up every hour and has her days and nights mixed up? What if she doesn’t sleep through the night for 18 months? WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF!!!
The rest of the night was rough, too, with me seriously considering giving Abby one of the bottles of formula in her closet so Tim and I could switch off nights and I could get more rest. But when Tuesday morning dawned, I realized how crazy that was. I promised myself and Tim that I could always stay in the Right Here, Right Now. There is nothing else I can control. There is no guarantee of what will happen tomorrow, and yesterday already happened and can’t be changed. If I can just stay in the now, and focus on what I’m doing this instant, it won’t be so overwhelming.
On that note, I’m not saying anything about the potential return of postpartum depression. I CAN say that so far I’m mentally feeling MILES better than I did with Aric, but then again, I know PPD can rear it’s ugly head anytime within the first year after giving birth, so for now, I will say that I am feeling great, and my smart phone has kept away the nighttime demons so far. I mean, it’s hard to think about scary things when you’re catching up on Instagram and clearing out your reader. (Thank GOODNESS for my smart phone!!!)
I have a 2012 year in review post coming, even though I’m certain you’re all sick of reading them by now, but I like to have it for my records. I’ve been doing it since 2008! So that will come next week. Until then, here’s my little pork chop: