Yesterday I read three great posts by three amazing women. All three women wrote about making a choice for their family. And all three had to put statement in their posts saying something to the effect of “Please don’t judge me. I’m doing what’s best for my family, not what’s best for your’s.”
Go read them! They are awesome! Jill from Baby Rabies wrote about crying it out, Suzanne from Bebeh Blog wrote about weaning off breast feeding, and Katie from Sluiter Nation wrote about choosing to have a repeat c-section.
Back again? Ok, so, back to my point. These women are making choices that work for their families. They have done their research. They know what works. They know what WON’T work. And yet, they still felt the need to add disclaimers about WHY they are making these decisions to prevent Judgy McJudgersons from making them feel crappy about their decisions.
This HAS to stop. It has to. If there is one thing I cannot stand is fellow mothers telling other mothers that what they are doing is completely WRONG and that they will mess up their child by making whatever choice they have made.
Who ARE these women who think they have all the answers? And why must they make other women feel bad for the choices they have made?
Look, we’re all struggling out there. None of us knew what we were truly getting into when we had our babies. We are all looking for help raising our children the best we can. I’m a full supporter of the statement ”It takes a village to raise a child.” But when that village vilifies you and says you are essentially screwing up your child by making whatever choice you’ve made? So not helpful.
It’s not just found here in our blogging communities. Nope. It’s everywhere. Women giving rude glances or disparaging remarks to a mother mixing a bottle of formula at the mall (“Breast is best!”). Other women giving other rude glances to a mother breast feeding her child at the mall (“Put those away and give the kid a bottle!”). Shoot, even Anderson Cooper is doing a segment this week on his show about how some women think stay at home moms are lazy! (BA did a great job writing about this over at Babble)
Yeah, the comments to that story are UNREAL. I read one in which a woman said that if anything, working moms are lazy because they are pawning their children off on others to raise them so they can selfishly further their careers and go to the gym and out for happy hour.
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.
We are all raising our children in ways that work for our families. It doesn’t have to work for your family. What’s good for the goose might not be so good for the gander!
Please, if someone asks for advice on how to get their child to sleep, feel free to offer it. When you get that advice, remember that whatever that person is telling you, that’s what worked for THEM and that it might not work for YOU. If someone is coming out and saying, “This is my decision” the only response from you should be, “Good for you!” or, if you can’t say that, then say NOTHING. It is not an invitation for you to jump in and tell that person they are making a bad decision or it’d be better if they chose something else. It’s not your place.
I shouldn’t have to write a blog post about it. I shouldn’t. We should all be supportive of each other no matter what. So please, stop the Mama Drama. Stop judging others for making decisions that are different than the ones you have made. The ONLY THING that you know, is what works for you. That’s it.
::steps off soapbox::